Keep It To Yourself

And now the end is near
And as I face the final curtain
I know just what I’ve done
Mistakes I’ve made
— of that I’m certain
I’ve lived a life of chance
And conquered each and every byway
And oh, much more than that
I’ve eaten Skyway

“Skyway Drive-In. Unleash your inner poet.”

A Wisconsin judge stopped the anti-collective bargaining law from being implemented. I know this is Akron, Ohio, but why was the story buried on page 6 of the newspaper.

I was raised by a mother who put 100% of people’s worth in their looks. “Pretty” was the ultimate goal — one of which I fell short most of the time. (Maybe because my mother picked out my clothes. Isn’t that a paradox? Or is it ironic? I’m never sure which is which.) There was the “right” outfit for every occasion. And it usually wasn’t anything in my closet. So off we would go to O’Neil’s department store, or the mall, and search for “just the right thing.” Apparently I never attended the same type of event twice, since these trips were so common. It still haunts me today. Every time I have somewhere special/interesting/new to go, I have to fight the impulse to run out and buy a new outfit.

The same goes for hair — my hairstyle and color changed with the seasons. For the past 3 decades I have been on a search for “the right black purse” and “the right raincoat.” Luckily the 80s ended before I ended up with 100 tubes of “not quite the right” red lipstick.

I hit — (that age I won’t mention) this year. I literally hit it. Headlong. Face first. It clothes-lined me. This is the age that I always defined as “old.” And as we know, old is not pretty. There is not an outfit, purse or tube of red lipstick that will make me become younger. Hair dye, wrinkle cream, yoga, low-fat-low-carb-low-taste food… it only does so much. The number is still there. It has been since October. It’s going to get worse next October. Ouch.

I’ve spent the last couple of months in a rolling depression about all of this. My latest foot surgery landed me in bed for 60 days, which in turn landed 15 extra pounds on my hips. That certainly didn’t help the reflection in the mirror. My life is not “pretty.”

But today, a friend was giving a presentation I attended. She spoke about “mindfulness” and quoted Jon Kabat-Zinn, a meditation and stress management expert. “Until you stop breathing there is more right with you than wrong with you.”

Ok, so I’m breathing.

During the last month while I have been wallowing and hobbling (there’s a picture), two interesting things have happened in my life. The first was my acceptance into an offbeat group of people who write for an online humor column - http://www.topfive.com. Not only do I get to write for the “Top 5” lists that come out every week or so, I have become involved with an online community of the other writers. These people are so witty, intelligent, fun, and I have no idea what they look like. Nor they me.

The second thing that popped up was an invitation to become involved in a local project known as “Weirdness Really Bad Movie.” My friend Juli asked if I would be interested in hosting some of the public domain movies they show on local cable stations. I went to talk to the folks in charge, ended up recording 3 sketch pieces, and now I’m building them a Facebook page, writing sketches and looking forward to hosting my first movie in the next month or so. These people know what I look like. It’s irrelevant.

This is the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. And I’m not wearing anything particularly spectacular. Ok, I do have on a little lip gloss. Maybe it’s better to be witty than pretty?

countrcultr asked: hey, yeah sorry I never got around to visiting, my life got pretty crazy near the end there. but I'll be coming to ohio now and then so I'm sure it will happen sometime. oh, you still starting that improv thing in Kent?

Let me know how it’s going in Chicago — my favorite city!!! Are you getting together with Rob?

The improv thing in Kent didn’t come together, so instead, I’m doing this: http://reallybadmovie.weebly.com/ I am going to be the host, write and do sketches. We’re on 4 cable stations, on-demand, and we’re talking to a “real” tv station in Canton about showing us once a week.

Do you remember the Hallmark “Soft Touch” greeting cards from the 1970s. Ok, so you weren’t born yet — what’s your point?

The quintessential saying of the genre was “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never really was.”

Excuse me while I gag.

I offer some Millenium-inspired updates:

If you let something go… yada yada…
if it doesn’t, it’s because you have bad breath.
if it doesn’t, it may have early onset Alzheimers
if it doesn’t, you might try looking in your glove box

I just discovered the Tumblr app for Blackberry. Now I can waste precious time and do brain dumps while I’m driving.

Wow. So glad I’m in America. So sad I don’t know what I can do to help.

URGENT MESSAGE FROM ACTIVIST IN EGYPT. PLEASE REPOST IF YOU CAN!

“To all the people of world”

Alicia Ali Marsden

To all the people of world

The people in Egypt are under governmental siege. Mubarak regime is banning Facebook, Twitter, and all other popular internet sites Now, the internet are completely blocked in Egypt. Tomorrow the government will block the 3 mobile phone network will be completely blocked.

And there is news that even the phone landlines will be cut tomorrow, to prevent any news agency from following what will happen.

Suez city is already under siege now. The government cut the water supply and electricity, people, including, children and elderly are suffering there now. The patients in hospitals cannot get urgent medical care. The injured protesters are lying in the streets and the riot police are preventing people from helping them. The families of the killed protesters cannot get the bodies of their sons to bury them. This picture is the same in north Saini (El-Sheikh zoyad city) and in western Egypt (Al-salom). The riot police is cracking down on protesters in Ismailia, Alexandria, Fayoum, Shbin Elkoum, and Cairo, the capital, in many neighborhoods across the city.

The government is preparing to crackdown on the protesters in all Egyptian cities. They are using tear gas bombs, rubber and plastic pullets, chemicals like dilutes mustard gas against protesters. Several protesters today have been killed when the armored vehicles of the riot police hit them. Officials in plain clothes carrying blades and knives used to intimidate protesters. Thugs deployed by the Egyptian Ministry of Interior are roaming the streets of Cairo, setting fire on car-wheels as means of black propaganda to demonize protesters and justify police beatings and state torture

All this has been taken place over the past three days during the peaceful demonstrations in Cairo and other cities. Now, with the suspicious silence of the local media and the lack of coverage from the international media, Mubarak and his gang are blocking all the channels that can tell the world about what is happening.

People who call for their freedom need your support and help. Will you give them a hand?

The activists are flooding the net (youtube and other sites) with thousands of pictures and videos showing the riot police firing on armless people. The police started to use ammunition against protesters. 15-year old girl has been injured and another 25 year old man has been shot in the mouth. While nothing of these has appeared in the media, there is more to happen tomorrow. Will you keep silent? Will you keep your mouth shut while seeing all these cruelty and inhumane actions?

We don’t ask for much, just broadcast what is happening

[To reblog without Tumblr cutting the text off, select “reblog as text” at the top of the reblog page.]

(Source: twitlonger.com, via elige)

Around the age of 13, it became quite evident that my son would prefer to have people think he was hatched rather than born. Since then, it has been an unending quest to remind him from whence he came. Bribery and threats long ceased working. So, the last resort is embarrassment. Most of these techniques were stumbled upon accidentally. Effective nonetheless. Feel free to use or adapt them as necessary.

1) Sing along to the radio in the car, especially when driving him and his friends around. Pick an oldies station and belt out old Barry Manilow tunes. When he begs you to stop, gladly switch the station to one he prefers. Then belt out the lyrics to his favorite songs.

2) As he continues to grow, wear his hand-me-downs. In public.

3) Make sure there is always at least one framed photo of him in your entry hall, as disproportionate to the area as possible.

4) Be present at every rite-of-passage event with your camera. Include the first day of school, first boy-girl dance, first auto accident.

5) Friend his friends on Facebook. Better yet, don’t. Just accept the friend requests they send to you.

Feel free to add your ideas…